Follow the Hulk Green Road, Motherfudger!
by The Dragon and the Hare
Summary: What do you get when you cross the Avengers with the Wizard of Oz? This apparently. Steve/Thor Rated for language and mild violence.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This has also been published on AO3, under the same username. I hope you enjoy, and thank you for reading!**

* * *

It was a typical day for Steve: he got up, had breakfast, walked to school with Natasha, stood up against the school bullies Loki and his gang made up of the Chitauri brothers, ran home after school with Loki hot on their heels, cutting across the Gulch's land and incurring their wrath, before making it home without a lasting injury.

He said a very nice hello to his boyfriend Thor, who was a farmhand along with Tony, whom he didn't say a very nice hello to. He also said hello to his Uncles Phil and Clint, who were moving around some of the animals.

Overall, it had been a particularly good day. And what would have made it better was the weather stirring up and a tornado appearing.

Oh wait, that happened too.

* * *

The wind is picking up as Steve and Thor dash away from the house. Both have mad grins on their faces as they run, listening to the fading yells of their enraged neighbours. The Gulch's are always accusing Steve and Natasha for something or other. Best leave them to it and go make out with Thor in one of the fields behind the farm instead.

Which would have been a fantastic plan if their favourite place weren't already occupied.

Right under the single tree where they like to lay in the shade, someone has erected a tent. There is even a cozy little fire and clothes drying on the rope connecting the tent to the tree.

It's all very quaint until the hippy emerges from the tent.

Steve and Thor come to a halt as they catch sight, and intend on going to another of their favourite spots until they're being called over.

"Hi there!" The hippy seems friendly enough, if a little hairy. "My name's Bruce! Come and join me for hot dogs!"

Thor agrees immediately, never one to refuse free food. Steve is a little more hesitant, but follows after Thor.

While the homemade veggie dogs are cooking over the fire, Bruce tells Steve and Thor about his anger issues and how he left society to get away from them. The wind is steadily growing stronger, and storm clouds are gathering, but no one is concerned. There weren't any tornado warnings on the news that day.

Steve doesn't like the hot dogs at all, but Thor says they're the best he's ever tasted, and eats the rest of Steve's. After they've eaten, Bruce offers to read their fortunes, and that is when Steve decides to leave.

But Thor sticks out his hand, despite Bruce not saying how he would do so. Bruce takes his hand and begins pointing out the all the lines on his palm and their meanings.

Steve rolled his eyes, and almost stamped his foot in impatience, but he doesn't want to be rude, so he waits quietly until they finish up.

"Hurry home," Bruce says as they leave. "The wind's picking up. Don't want to get caught in it."

With that, he disappeared back into his tent, and Steve and Thor began walking back towards the farm. It's about half a mile back, and they're running against the wind. The farmhouse comes in sight, but the tornado that's reaching for the ground does also. Neither Steve nor Thor pause when they see it, but begin running full tilt for the farm, which is deserted.

Steve can't hear his frantic heart beat over the howl of the wind, and it's getting a little hard to see with the wind in his eyes, making them water. Thor is a bit taller than him, and so a little faster. Steve falls just behind him as they run in past the fence and towards to shelter on the far side of the barn.

Thor reaches there first, and pulls on the handle, but is unable to open the door. They yell, but even they can't hear their voices over the volume of the wind. Thor turns back to Steve and motions towards the house before grabbing his hand.

They make it into the house, and Steve is unsure of what to do next. Thor pulls him into his room and through the window they can see that the tornado has reached the ground a few miles away. Steve can feel the adrenaline pumping out of fear as he watches it edge closer.

It's fucking _huge._ He hopes Thor knows what to do – he's lived here a lot longer than Steve.

Steve watches as the Gulch's farm, just a bit further than a mile away and clearly visible from Thor's bedroom window, is engulfed, shredded and, literally, gone in the wind.

But now is not the time for jokes, because Steve is fucking terrified.

Thor pulls on his hand again, opening the door to his wardrobe. _What the hell is the wardrobe going to do_, Steve wonders before Thor shoves him in. What's Thor planning to do, escape to Narnia? But no, there's only the back of the closet.

His last glimpse before Thor gets in and shuts the door is of the still erect tent flying in the wind towards the house.

It's an awfully small cupboard, at least for two well-built men like Steve and Thor. Thor pulls Steve close, and Steve is too scared to do anything other than clutch his arms around Thor's middle, his grip like an iron vice because he refuses to let go.

There's a crash, and something hits the wardrobe doors. The wind is screaming now, louder than before, if that is possible: it's so loud that Steve's ears are almost deaf. The wardrobe gives a powerful lurch in the wind, and Steve's head hits the wood at the back of the wardrobe hard, and the shards of light that slipped in through the cracks near the hinges is gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Steve wakes up to the odd feeling of a tongue licking his cheek, He can't open his eyes yet, they're far too heavy, but he manages to wearily swat away the furry head.

There are too many things going on at the moment. His head is pounding, his ears are ringing, his neck is sore from the horrible position he's sleeping in, and he can't remember a thing.

When he does find his energy (and his centre of gravity) he opens his eyes. He's still in the closet, which he thought had come out of ages ago. There's a furry, trembling heap in his arms. The door is still closed, letting only a sliver of light in.

"Thor?" He asks, as he slowly starts to remember what happened.

There's an answering whine, and a nuzzle of a wet nose on his face. Steve's muscles are weak, but he manages to push open the wardrobe door when his eyes adjust to the light. He doesn't sit up immediately, just groans and throws an arm over his eyes. Steve calls Thor's name again, and gets a short bark in return.

Steve finally looks at the dog, a Golden Retriever a year or two old: it's certainly beautiful, and flopped down on Steve's chest as he rubs its head.

He sits up slowly, holding his head in his hands as he remembers the tornado. He yells Thor's name once more, and the dog barks and jumps on him, before licking Steve's head and face and whining all the while.

Steve pushes the animal back softly, and it calms down as he takes in their surroundings.

The wardrobe is in the middle of a field: it's bright green, unlike the usual brown and dusty fields that surround his farm. This field is littered with bright yellow flowers, which he can't identify because he doesn't know anything about flowers. There's a forest bordering to one side, and a little village on the other.

It would have all looked very idyllic if it weren't for the guy with the eye patch glaring down at him. Steve jumped, because he had appeared out of nowhere.

"Who're you?" Steve asked nervously; the dog began growling and barking at the man.

"I am Fury, the Good Witch of the North."

"But I thought witches were girls?"

The man rolled his eye. "There are male witches, too. But what I need to know is if you're a good witch or a bad witch."

Steve calmed down the dog by petting its head, and it instantly began trying to lick him again.

"I'm not a witch at all!" Steve said, once more trying to get the dog off of him.

"Uh… well, then… How did you manage to kill the Wicked Witch of the East?" Fury asked, looking confused under his eye patch as he pointed to something underneath the wardrobe.

Steve got up and exited the wardrobe opposite the side to which Fury was pointing, and was confused himself when he saw the pair of ugly feet sticking out from beneath the wardrobe.

"The Junior Agents are wondering who killed him, since they have been unable to do it themselves. They've been gossiping amongst themselves as to who could have been so powerful."

"I didn't mean to kill anyone!"

"But you did, nevertheless, and the Wicked Witch of the East has vowed to take his revenge. Look, he started by turning your companion into that dog."

Steve was unsure of how to react to that. He looked from the dog to Fury and back to the dog, which began whining again and licking his hand. He knelt down and held the dog's head in his hands, and there indeed were Thor's familiar eyes.

"Oh, Thor…" he said softly, getting a lick on the nose in return. "Is there any way to turn him back?"

"I'm not sure," Fury replied. There was a loud chorus of giggling as he spoke, and the long grass rustled around them.

"What was that?" Steve asked, he and Thor instantly alert.

"Oh, those were just the Junior Agents. Ignore them. They know I was just getting to the part about the Wizard."

"The Wizard?"

"Yes, the Wizard. The Angry and Smashing. He lives in the Amethyst City, in the centre of Ozgard. You're currently in SHIELD Land; it's a long journey from here. I hope your wardrobe can still fly."

"Wait, go back. What can the Wizard do to help Thor?"

"Oh right, the Wizard. He has great knowledge, and may know a way to turn back your beloved. But as I was saying, it's a long way from here, and you have an angry Witch on your tail. You have to have some means of protecting yourselves." The Good Witch snapped his fingers, and two little Junior Agents, dressed in dark blue suits and both carrying something heavy.

"First, your suit-" he took the briefcase one of the Agents was carrying, and she disappeared back under the grass. Fury opened it and presented the contents to Steve, who looked upon the suit in a bit of a wonder. "It will keep you protected from the elements, and wil act like a second skin, keeping your core body temperature the same in all environments."

"Very cool," Steve murmured, lifting the suit from the case. "Very… patriotic," he said as he changed into it, before noticing a problem. "How do I go to the toilet in it?"

"We couldn't fix all the problems. You'll have to figure that one out for yourself. Here is your shield, good for both offence and defence. Unfortunately, I can't stay long enough to teach you how to use it. You'll have to figure that out, as well. I have to go hold off a Wicked Witch, so you can get away safely."

Steve placed his arm under the leather straps on the under side of the shield, finding it surprisingly light. "What have you got for Thor?"

"He has teeth," Fury said, as there came a loud bang from the nearby forest. "The Junior Agents will lead you to the Hulk Green Road, all you have to do is follow it."

The Good Witch stalked away towards the forest, from which there were coming more bangs.

"But what happens if I-" Steve shouted after him.

"Follow the Hulk Green Road, motherfucker!" And he disappeared into the forest without another word.

The Junior Agent that had been holding the shield pulled on the stretchy material by his hip to gain Steve's attention. "Follow me!" He said, and disappeared into the grass.

Steve ran after the ripple, which was leading towards the village. All of the other Junior Agents hiding in the field rippled their way towards the village as well.

Thor barked, and raced the Junior Agents, running faster than Steve could. He hadn't been able to make out the finer details of the village from his position further out in the field before, but now being closer up, he could see the monochromatic colour palette that was applied to the cinder block-like buildings.

It looked more like a barracks than a village, and the Hulk Green Road lay through the centre. Many Junior Agents stood in doorways and along the small streets; Thor ran among them and happily accepted all the petting hands.

There was another bang, closer and within the village, and the Junior Agents screamed. Smoke came drifting into the village, and a demonic laughter rang. The streets were clear in a matter of seconds, leaving the figure that was emerging from the smoke alone with Steve.

Thor growled and stood between Steve and the intruder, whose laugh reduced to a chuckle.

"Are you going to sick your doggie on me? How quaint."

"You're Wicked Witch of the East?" Steve guessed.

"You've heard of me," he replied, smiling. It sent a chill down Steve's spine. "I am Loki, of Ozgard! And I am burdened with the glorious purpose of- " The Witch didn't finish his sentence, instead descending into a coughing fit.

The smoke cleared quickly, and the Witch came into proper view: slicked back black hair, a long green robe, and a helmet with antlers on it. Very threatening. He also carried a small staff in his left hand, which he directed at Thor when he didn't back down.

Steve was quick, a lot quicker than he normally was, and had the Witch by the scruff of his neck in less than three seconds.

"If you dare touch one hair-!"

"I am the one with the leverage, here!" Loki shouted over Steve. "I may have turned your beloved into a dog, but I can do so much worse." He placed the tip of his staff onto Steve's shoulder, and drained the strength from his body.

Steve fell to the ground kneeling, his breath leaving him and his body losing its strength, and he looked up helplessly at the Wicked Witch.

"You have something I want."

"Yeah? What?" Steve asked, preparing to spit in Loki's face.

Thor was silent when he charged into Loki, sinking his teeth into his arm and causing Loki to shout in pain. Steve felt his strength return when the staff left his shoulder, and swung his shield into the side of Loki's face and knocked him out. The Witch fell to the ground.

"Huh, those teeth really are useful," Steve said, rubbing Thor's head.

"We'll deal with this," the Junior Agent that had lead him in said, suddenly reappearing. "You better go."

"Right," Steve nodded, and ran away down the road.

"Wait! Not that way! The Amethyst City is the other way!"

"Right! Thank you!" They turned around, and as they ran down the road, Steve swore he could still hear Fury yelling:

"Follow the Hulk Green Road, motherfucker!"


	3. Chapter 3

Steve ran along the Hulk Green Road for miles, though he couldn't tell how long for. Time passed differently here, if he could describe it like that. The sun seemed to stay still in the sky for hours at a time, but then it would make a great arc in a matter of moments.

He ran over hills and over bridges, with Thor following all the way, and didn't stop until he thought he had put enough distance between him and the Wicked Witch to rest safely. From the top of the last hill he could see a cross roads in the middle of a cornfield.

"Which way are we supposed to go to from here?" Steve wondered aloud, feeling anxious. Thor bounded on ahead down the hill, and began sniffing around.

There was a screech from above, and Steve looked up in time to see a bird hurtle down towards the cornfield. Steve panicked, and so did Thor, but the hawk took no notice of either, and settled down on the shoulder of a scarecrow in the middle of on of the cornfields.

Thor barked incessantly at the bird, but was unable to get to it because of the fence. Steve hurried down the hill, and when Thor had calmed down, he could hear someone sobbing. He looked around, trying to find whom it was, but couldn't see anyone around except for him and Thor.

Thor wouldn't stop barking at the scarecrow, so Steve took a good look at it: its head was hanging down, so he couldn't see its face. Its shoulders were heaving in time with the sobs – Steve jumped the fence to take a closer look at it

"Uh… hello?" He said, unsure of what to do.

The head whipped up, and Steve jumped back in fright. Thor resumed his barking, and whined when he could not get over the fence. Steve begged Thor to be quiet before turning back to the scarecrow.

The head was made of straw, but there were human eyes there, like Thor's. The body seemed to be in proportion, like a healthy male body, but it was completely made of straw, all encompassed by crudely made cloth to form the rough outline of clothing.

The eyes looked at him sadly, and if the scarecrow had tear ducts, Steve knew he would be crying.

"It hurts…" the scarecrow whispered.

"What does?"

The scarecrow made some vague gestures with its tied hands. Steve ducked under one side and went around the back, and found a big nail keeping the scarecrow to the wooden pole.

"I'm going to let you down, okay?"

The scarecrow only sobbed in response, and allowed Steve to undo the rope around his wrists and forearms, before bending the nail back. The scarecrow barely noticed that he had hit the ground, murmuring something about 'lost cool'.

"Are you okay, uh, Mr. Scarecrow?" Steve asked nervously, not knowing how the scarecrow would react.

"I'm not a scarecrow!" It sobbed. "I'm a Scarehawk!"

"Oh…" Steve nodded. "Right." He saw the hawk was pecking at some nearby corn from its perch.

"I… I lost my cool!"

"Where's your cool?" Steve asked, trying to be concerned. "What happened?"

"Loki took it!" The Scarehawk screamed. "Loki took it and turned me into this… thing!" He pulled at some stitching on his torso, revealing the stuffed straw underneath. "He tore it out of me and it's gone!" The Scarehawk pulled out his insides and stared at it helplessly on the ground. He clutched at the area his heart would have been and sobbed some more.

Steve looked back to the Thor, who lay on the Hulk Green bricks with his paws over his head and looking very sad, too. Loki had hurt him and Thor, and had done the same to this poor man, now a scarehawk without his cool. Steve thought himself a kind and helpful person, and so said what he thought could mean the most to the Scarehawk at this moment:

"I think I know someone who can help you."

The Scarehawk sniffed. "You do?"

"Yeah, the Wizard. Have you heard of him? Fury the Good Witch of the North told us about him. He knows a way to undo what Loki has done."

"He does?" The Scarehawk said hopefully. "He can return my cool and turn me back?"

Steve nodded, his smile growing with the Scarehawk's.

"What did Loki do to you?"

"He turned my boyfriend Thor into a dog. I'm hoping the Wizard can help turn him back, and send us home."

The Scarehawk looked around Steve to see the Golden Retriever, who now sat up fully alert.

"Do you really think he would help me, too?"

"I'm sure he will! Will you come with us?"

The Scarehawk nodded excitedly, looking very hopeful indeed after being stuck on that pole for some time.

"Do you know the way?" Steve asked. "We came down from that way, but we didn't know that there would be any crossroads."

"I do!" The Scarehawk nodded. He jumped over the fence near Thor, and gave him a pat on the head as Steve followed. "This way!" They took the left into the dark, looming forest, and as they walked, the Scarehawk told the short version of what happened to him and Ozgard.

"It used to be very peaceful here in Ozgard; everyone got along and there was nothing to be afraid of. But then Loki and his Chitauri attacked, and now we all live in fear. My cool and I used to be able to travel freely to the neighbouring towns to trade the corn we grew, but we weren't able to with all those Chitauri roaming around.

"A few weeks ago, Loki was flying around when he saw us and attacked. He destroyed our home and took my cool, and then to add insult to injury, he turned me into this scarehawk and tied me up in the cornfield. You're the first person I've seen in days – the last person just ran right on past and didn't even look at me."

"I'm glad to have helped," Steve smiled. "You know, you really remind me of someone, but I can't think of who."

"He must be a pretty awesome guy, whoever he is," the Scarehawk joked.

Steve was still curious about what the Scarehawk meant by his cool, and so he asked.

But the Scarehawk didn't seem to be able to articulate what he meant. "It… it goes right _here_," he said, clutching at the area above where his heart would have been again. "It goes _here_. I must get it back, or else I'll die."

Steve just nodded, and was concerned for his new friend. "I'll help you anyway I can," he promised, and the Scarehawk thanked him.

Steve's felt his stomach rumble, and it reminded him that he hadn't in what felt like a day. They continued through the forest, which grew denser around the Hulk Green Road, and thick canopy grew above them as the trees on either side reached out to each other, blocking out some out the sun.

It didn't stop Steve from seeing those delicious-looking red apples that were in the clearing ahead.


	4. Chapter 4

The shiny red apples that littered the clearing and hung from the nearby trees that looked absolutely inviting. Steve actually licks his lips. "I really gotta eat," he says, and he begins looking for some un-bruised apples.

"I haven't been hungry in a long while," the Scarehawk says, helping Steve look.

As Thor sniffs the apples, Steve knows that he'll be hungry too, but Thor leaves the apples alone. Steve searches the apples on the ground, finding a mixture of rotten and good ones, and gathers all the edible ones together. He reaches for one more, but Steve's hand closes around metal instead of apple.

He knocks on it, and the metal clangs, but it doesn't sound allow. Steve finds an adjoining piece, and he knocks on that piece, too. The metal continues to clang, and he makes his way up a leg, and eventually he finds a whole body of metal.

"A man," Steve realizes. "Scarehawk!" He calls to the Scarehawk, who is looking for apples on the other side of the road. "A man made out of… tin! Come and look!" Steve looks away and waves him over, and when he looks back there are lines of light flicking on along the face, and there's a gargled sound.

"I think it's trying to say something," said the Scarehawk.

The light dies for a moment, but comes back even more strongly, and the noise does become a little clearer to be recognized as speech: "Isssst…. Isssssstt nah…."

"I think it's saying 'oil can'," joked the Scarehawk.

"It's… not… tiiiin!" The voice finally managed, its pitch going higher and lower with each syllable. "It's not tin! It's… iron!" As the voice grew stronger, so did the light's brightness, outlining the features of a face. There was a loud creaking noise, like the struggling of gears, and whatever powered the lights was drained as they dimmed..

"Like Minecraft?" Said Steve, somewhat unhelpful towards the situation.

"Hel… ell…" The Iron man said as some sparks flew from the corners of where his jaw joints would be. The grinding gears finally stopped, and the lights returned to their full brightness. "Hel… elp."

"What do you need help with?" Steve asked, very clearly.

"The… re," the lights on the face flicker again as there comes more grinding gears. The Iron man had been leaning over, and it was now struggling to right itself. It did manage to lift an arm, and it pointed to the other side of the clearing, into a dark corner.

The power dies in the Iron man momentarily, and the arm falls before the power comes back on. Steve and the Scarehawk leave to explore the area that the Iron man pointed to: the trees grow thickly here, and it took a few minutes for Steve's eyes to adjust, so he can figure out what he's looking at.

It's an old shack, leaning to one side and threatening to fall over in the slightest breeze. The door had fallen off its hinges, so Steve cautiously makes his way inside. It's a single room, with nothing in it but a table, and on the table is a black bottle and a wooden box. Steve grabs them both and quickly leaves.

"Whatcha find?" Scarehawk asks, looking at the items curiously.

Black liquid sloshes around in the clear bottle, and in the box is a single black block in a slot. Steve returns to the Iron man, unsure of what to do with them.

"What do you want me to do?" Steve asks.

"Oil… oil!" The voice says. "In… the bottle!"

The Scarehawk takes the box from Steve so he can undo the lid. "Where do you want it?"

"Jus… just pour it… over my head."

Steve held the bottle of the Iron man's head, and allowed a small amount to trickle down and creep into all the cracks and gears on the head. There's a smoother whirring sound, and the entire face lifts up to reveal a human underneath.

The man takes a very deep breath, practically gulping in the air. He coughs and splutters a little, and pants heavily, like he's been underwater for a long time.

"Are you okay?" Steve asks.

"Yeah," the man reassures. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Fresh air!" He took in a big sniff, and enjoyed the smell of nature around him. "I've been stuck in my suit for ages! The air was getting stale. Could you put some more oil in my joints? That'd really help."

Steve nodded, started with the shoulders.

"How'd you get like this?" The Scarehawk asked.

"Well, a few weeks ago, I was chopping that tree over there," the Iron man points with his freshly oiled arm to a tree with an axe in it. "When suddenly, that Wicked Bitch Loki came cackling past with those ugly monkeys of his, those Chitauri. And Loki swooped down-" he made some motion with his arms to go with it "-and he does this totally dick move by conjuring a small storm cloud just above me, and the rain rusts up my suit right on the spot so I can't move! And I get stuck in this really bad position - seriously, my back is killing me – and nearly all the systems shut down after a couple of days to preserve power, using just enough to filter air and urine-"

He babbles on for a few more minutes, Steve unable to keep up, and just finishes off oiling the rest of the second foot. The man stops when he notices he can move his legs, and stretches out all his limbs with a sigh.

"Oh, by the way, my name is The Iron Woodsman. You can call me Iron Woodsman, though. Boy am I hungry!" The Iron Woodsman took an apple from the pile that had been gathered, and took a large bite out of it. Steve took one as well, his forgotten hunger returning.

When the Iron Woodsman had finished his apple, he took the wooden box from the Scarehawk and said thanks, and looked disappointedly at the contents. "Only one left," he muttered.

"Only one of what?" Asked the Scarehawk.

"I'm going to need a new heart battery. It's what powers me and my suit, and I only have one left," replied the Iron Woodsman, changing said battery. The circle that wasn't red on his chest came out, and he took out the centre and replaced it. What came out didn't look like the one going in: it came out smoking and had been disintegrated a fair amount.

"That was in you?" Steve said, amazed.

The Iron Woodsman nodded as he started an a second apple. "I don't suppose you conveniently know a wizard who might be able to help me?"

But before Steve could answer, there was a loud bang and familiar laugh, and the Wicked Witch appeared on top of the leaning shack.

"Having fun there, Steve-y?" Loki said in a very sweet voice. "I've seen you've made some friends. It would be a shame if something were to happen to them."

Steve, Thor, the Scarehawk and the Iron Woodsman were all immediately on their feet and at the ready for Loki and whatever he had planned.

Loki conjured a ball of fire from his staff, and aimed it at the Scarehawk. Steve was quick to cover the Scarehawk, protecting them both with his shield. The fireball fell to the grass instead, and the Iron Woodsman stamped it out.

"Be gone, Loki!" Steve shouted. "We don't want any trouble!"

"No! Let him come down here and fight like a real man! Or bitch!" The Iron Woodsman interjected. "Are you just gonna stay up there on your perch like a coward?" He taunted.

"I don't have time to deal with you right now," the Wicked Witch said, almost sadly. "But I'll happily leave something behind for you to deal with." He smiled devilishly, and sent a blue way into all the neighbouring trees, and brought them all to life.

The Iron Woodsman grabbed his axe from the almost chopped down tree it had been embedded in as the trees began throwing their apples at them. Thor yelped as an apple hit his side, and he ran away down the Hulk Green Road. Steve noticed in the chaos, and shouted his name, but was unable to go after him.

Loki left, pleased with his work, and disappeared in another puff of smoke.

The Iron Woodsman was chopping all the limbs of the trees while Steve and the Scarehawk distracted them. Once all their ammunition and branches were gone, the three of them converged on the road, and Steve invited the Iron Woodsman to join them on their quest to see the Wizard.

The Iron Woodsman did, as long as they didn't skip at any point down the Hulk Green road.


	5. Chapter 5

It was some way down the road before Steve found Thor, his quivering tail the only part that could be seen from where it stuck out from the bushes on the side of the road.

"Thor?"

The tail shopped quivering and instantly began wagging, and Thor's furry dog head popped up from the other end of the big leafy bush. He looked at Steve with his sad dog eyes as he approached, and licked his hand as Steve reached to pet him.

"Are you okay?" Steve cooed, allowing his hands to glide through Thor's golden fur.

"Get a room!" The Iron Woodsman shouted, his mechanical voice echoing through the trees.

When One of Steve's hand ran over the tender sot where the apple had hit, Thor yelped, and instinctively lashed out with his teeth at Steve's arm. But he didn't bite down; his sharp teeth barely touched the surface of Steve's covered arms. Thor licked Steve's arm in apology.

"I'm sorry, Thor," Steve whispered, and Thor knew that he meant for more than just touching his bruised side. Thor licked Steve's nose to try to tell him that it wasn't his fault.

"You're giving me a tooth ache over here!" The Iron Woodsman said. "Look, it's getting dark, we should make camp."

The others agreed, and the Scarecrow said he would keep lookout because he no longer possessed any organs that required rest. So the Iron Woodsman wondered into the thicket on the other side of the road, while Steve, who was now feeling ready to drop, lay on the grass beside Thor. Making sure that neither his feet nor Thor's tail was sticking out on the road, Steve settled his face into Thor's soft fur, and went to sleep.

What was it that woke him? The growling? Or maybe the hissing? It was probably both, and Steve was reluctantly brought up through the levels of sleep. He grudgingly opened his eyes, and was met with a curious sight:

A face.

A woman's face.

A woman's face framed by a wild, red mane. With twigs and dry leaves stuck in it. Her mouth was open with the hiss, revealing her own sharp teeth as she glared at Thor. Thor was showing off his own teeth, too, his lips quivering above the gums.

A twig poked Steve in the eye, and Steve jerked away, which startled the female creature, and she turned her attention towards Steve. The anger in her eyes was terrifying, and Steve quickly backed away onto the Hulk Green Road as she lashed at with her razor sharp claws.

Thor and the woman followed, tumbling out together as they fought. The fight was a wild blur, but Steve was unable to stop it. The Iron Woodsman lumbered over and managed to pull them apart.

"Haven't I seen you around here before?" The Woodsman said, looking at her closely while Steve pulled Thor away. He held her up by the scruff of her neck as he looked at her closely.

"I think I've seen her, too," the Scarehawk said, going in to look at her too, but quickly moved back when she made a swipe on him.

"Let me go!" She hissed, clawing uselessly at the Iron Woodsman's suit.

"Not until you tell us who you are, missy," said the Iron Woodsman.

She struggled to get out of the Iron Woodsman's grip for a few more minutes, but finally decided to answer them.

"I'm the Overly Courageous Lioness," she huffed, glaring at them all and crossing her arms.

"How'd you come by that name?"

"Loki turned me into part lioness after I attacked him, and said I was an overly courageous lioness," she explained.

"You were attacking Loki?"

"Yes," she replied.

"What did you attack him with?"

"My fists. I managed to punch him in the face before he turned me."

The Scarehawk and the Iron Woodsman gave an impressed whistle.

"You know you were way in over your head, didn't you?" Steve said.

"Yeah? So? I'm not afraid to give someone a piece of my mind!" With that, she started struggling again.

"Was that what you were doing? Giving Thor a piece of your mind?" Steve said, kneeling down besides Thor and putting a hand on his furry chest to keep him still. He growled at the Lioness again.

"He was laughing at me!"

"He's a dog!"

"He was being mean!"

"He's a dog! He literally cannot speak! He couldn't insult you!"

"That's what you think," she said.

Steve just rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I suppose you're looking for a Wizard, too?"

"No!" The Iron Woodsman let go of the Lioness, and she fell to the Hulk Green Road with a grunt. "I don't need a Wizard! Why would you think I need a Wizard?"

"Because Loki turned into an Overly Courageous Lioness, like he made the Iron Woodsman's suit rust, and like he turned the Scarehawk into a Scarehawk, and Thor into a Golden Retriever," Steve explained.

"I am perfectly content with being a Lioness!"

"Fine! Then we best be going!" And so Steve began to lead The Iron Woodsman, the Scarehawk and Thor away.

"No! Wait!" The Overly Courageous Lioness called. "I'd like to go on a quest. It might be fun."

And so the Overly Courageous Lioness joined their party.

The Scarehawk said that they were almost through the woods, and soon they would be able to see the Amethyst City. The trees began to thin out, and as they reached the edge, Steve could see the sunlight and the flower-covered field.

And beyond: the sparkling spires of the Amethyst City. They all paused for a moment to take in the sight. They were out of the night of the forest, and were looking upon a glorious place.

"Would you like at that," Steve said in awe. "It's beautiful."

Thor barked and ran off into the field. "Yes, let's run!" Said Steve, taking off after Thor, and the Overly Courageous Lioness, Iron Woodsman, and Scarehawk following.

The scent of the flowers enticed them further into the fields and filled their hearts with the joy of the approaching city. A haze began to lift off the flowers, barely noticeable, closing in around the group as they ran.

Steve's legs slowed as a tiredness felt to his very bones set in, and he stopped.

"I can't go any further," he said, raising an arm to his eyes. "I'm so sleepy."

"Me too," the Lioness yawned, and fell to the ground.

Thor was already down, his legs splayed and his eyes clothes. Steve laid down beside him before the Scarehawk or the Iron Woodsman could say anything, and was asleep.

"What's going on?" The Scarehawk said, looking around them to find the source.

"JARVIS tells me that the flowers are releasing a chemical into the air," the Iron Woodsman said. "Luckily for me I have a filtration system for the air as well."

"Well, how are we going to get them out of here? I don't have the strength to even pick up Thor."

The Iron Woodsman was silent for a moment, before lifting his face to the sky, and started shouting with his amplified voice: "HELP! HELP!"

"That's not going to do anything! There's nobody around for miles! We need to get them out of here ourselves!"

"Shut up and scream, would you? Someone is bound to hear us eventually. HELP! HELP!"

The Scarehawk shook his head, but did as the Iron Woodsman said, and shouted at the sky for help.

For a while, nothing seemed to happen. But then clouds gathered, seemingly out of nowhere, and snow began to drift down.

"It's snowing!" The Scarehawk said bleakly. "What good is that gonna do?"

There was a soft groan, and the Scarehawk looked down to see Steve waking up. "It does help! Steve, you're waking up!"

Steve sat up slowly, and shook off the snow that had quickly gathered. "What happened?" He slurred.

"You fell asleep. And so did the Lioness," the Scarehawk said. "Iron Woodsman, help up the Lioness."

"I can't."

"What? Why not?"

"I'm stuck."

"How?"

"The snow. Duh. Now unfreeze me."

"Alright, hold your horses," the Scarehawk replied, and took out the bottle of oil from where he had stored it in his chest cavity. He quickly lubricated all the joints as the Lioness, Steve and Thor woke up fully.

"You alright?"

"I'm fine. Let's get out of this field already," the Lioness said to the Scarehawk, and lead the way back onto the Hulk Green Road and towards the Amethyst City.


	6. Chapter 6

The amethyst purple doors soared high above them, going up much of the way of the wall. A large knocker was on the door about head height, and Steve reached up to knock it, three times.

At first there was no answer, and so Steve knocked again. Everyone looked up at the door expectantly as a window opened up in the door, pulling the knocker inside, and a head popped up.

The man looked at them all flustered and angry. "Can't you read?"

"Read what?"

"The notice!"

"What notice?"

The man stuck his head out and looked around, and saw indeed there was no sign. He pulled his head and let out an: "Ah!" A sign on a string was pushed out the window, and the hole was closed.

**KNOCK OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE RING.**

Steve pulled the rope beside the door, and there was a loud echoing ring behind the double doors. At once they opened, and the party of five were bombarded with the sight of hundreds, maybe even thousands of people, all dressed in the same shade of amethyst purple and cheering madly.

A little way in, a cleared path led to a horse-drawn carriage. The coachman was beckoning them over, and they made their way towards the carriage in a bit of a daze, all except the Overly Courageous Lioness, who looked at the crowd with suspicion, before cautiously following the others.

The Iron Woodsman reveled in the attention, giving the crowd a show like a proper rock star. Steve waved awkwardly as he adjusted in his seat, trying to find a comfortable position with Thor sitting on his lap. The Scarehawk gave the people a timid smile and waved as well, and shared the same thought as Steve:

_How did they know we were coming? And what's with the reception?_

"I suppose you're wondering about the theatrics!" The coachman shouted.

"Yes, actually!" Steve replied.

"The Good Witch Fury sent word of your arrival and news of your quest ahead to us!" The coachman explained. "I'm sure the Wizard will do all he can to turn your beloved back into a man and send you home! He is an Angry and Smashing Wizard!"

Steve nodded and sat back in his seat as Thor barked at the crowd. He saw the Overly Courageous Lioness scowling at each person they passed. Steve wondered what had happened to her to have so much distrust in people.

Steve looked around the Amethyst City: it was much like the outer bailey of a castle. The purple walls reached up some way to the sky, at points ending up in turrets. He wondered what the walls were protecting them from. All around the base of the walls were shop fronts, and some had small apartments above them.

It was all a bombardment of amethyst purple: the clothes were purple, the shops were purple, the flowers were purple, even the _ground_ was purple. It very nearly hurt his eyes.

"Say, you've come a long way! How about you rest a bit and get cleaned up before you and your friends see the Wizard?" The coachman suggested. "I know just the place!"

"That'd be great, thank you!"

The coachman brought the carriage to a halt a quarter of the way around the circular city, just in front of the steps that led up to a place called '**CLEAN 'EM UP Co.**'.

Thor jumped out first and bounded up the stairs. The Overly Courageous Lioness stepped out second, ignoring the hand of the smiling coachman, and followed Thor up the stairs. The Iron Woodsman farewelled the crowd just like a rock star: both arms held in the air triumphantly, and sending air kisses to the women.

Steve and the Scarehawk gave a more dignified wave just before they entered – Steve was continually surprised with their celebrity treatment. There were several cubicles behind the front desk, and each of them were led to a different one.

In his cubicle, Steve was stripped of his uniform so it could be cleaned. He hadn't realized how dirty it had become, and how sweaty underneath he was. The helpers drew the curtain around the shower so he could clean himself.

As he cleaned his hair with a sweet smelling shampoo, he could hear the hisses and growls of the overly Courageous Lioness come from nearby, followed by a loud crash. Steve thought she might be having trouble letting people near her, for whatever reason, but he didn't want to assume anything.

When his suit was all cleaned and his shield polished, the helpers, with their wide smiles, dried his hair and styled it nicely, and he was able to leave his cubicle. He wondered around the shop to see what was happening with the others.

The Iron Woodsman was having his suit polished by some very lovely woman, the blonde one he was paying particular attention to. Thor was enjoying a warm bubble bath and being washed. The Scarehawk was getting fresh straw stuffed into him, and the helpers with the Overly Courageous Lioness were having a hard time trying to tame her and her hair.

After some rest and something to eat, they were all ready to finally to see the Wizard. Thor was looking very handsome with the red bow that the Overly Courageous Lioness refused to wear. The light reddish-brown of her fur was now clean, and her red mane was free of the sticks and leaves.

The Iron Woodsman looked very spick and span, his suit shiny and polished, free of rust, and the Scarehawk looked fuller and healthier with the fresh straw.

All in all, very presentable.

They thanked the people in the shop, and were led outside where the coachman picked them up again. "I'll take you to see the Wizard now!" He said as they sat in the carriage, and he flicked the reins to get the horse moving.

There was another large set off doors that were exactly opposite from the entrance. The citizens of the Amethyst City cheered them onto the gates. Steve stood in front of the door guard proudly, eager to see the Wizard.

But before he could say anything, there was a loud, collective gasp from the excited crowd behind them. Steve turned around, and saw them all pointing to the sky and screaming.

Steve looked upwards, and saw words being written in the sky. The message was being created by a small flying figure, the smoke trail following it, and it slowly spelled:

**YOU LITTLE SHIT, STEVE**.

Steve sighed and shook his head. "Crap. He's followed us here."

The crowd was panicking, and they surged onto the steps and pushed Steve and his party all the way up. Steve could hear them shouting for the Wizard.

"Nobody gets in to see the Wizard!" The guard shouted, and Steve could feel his heart sink at once. "You all know that! So why don't you return to your homes and wait for this to pass? Go home! Go home, now!"

The crowd quieted at once and accepted the guard's words without fuss, and left without a fuss. Steve felt a soft finger poking him in the back, and Steve looked behind him to see the Scarehawk urging him forward.

"We need to see the Wizard!" The Scarehawk spoke, stepping aside Steve.

"Nobody gets in to see the Wizard! Not nobody, not no how!"

"But this is Steve!"

The guard looked up to the sky and back to Steve. "The Witch's Steve?" He said, flabbergasted.

"Yes! And we need to get in to see the Wizard, all five of us!"

"Well…" the guard opened and shut his mouth several times without knowing what to say. "Well… that does change things a bit… Well, maybe if I go in and announce you…"

"Yes, please!"

The guard turned away from the group and went through the door. Steve bent down to embrace Thor, hugging his furry body tightly. "Just a little bit longer, Thor! You'll be back to your old self in no time!"

"And I'll find my cool!" Said the Scarehawk.

"And I'll get a new battery for my heart!" Said the Iron Woodsman.

The Overly Courageous Lioness didn't say anything.

"And what will you ask for?" Steve asked her, smiling.

For a while she didn't answer. When she did, her face appeared calm, but her voice was shaky, trying not to betray what she was actually feeling. "I just want to be myself again."

And she said no more on the subject.

Steve was overjoyed to have the prospect of Thor turning back just a short while away. He didn't let go of him until the guard came back.

"Nobody gets in to see the Wizard! Not under any circumstances!"

Well, that rug was quickly pulled. Thor growled at the guard, but did not attack him.

"Go away! His exact words."

"Go away?" Steve repeated. "But why?"

"Nobody gets in to see the Great Bruce! Not nobody, not no how!" The guard repeated.

"But we have to see him!" The Scarehawk protested.

"Yeah! We've all come a long way to see him!" The Iron Woodsman said. "Let us in so we can deal with him directly!"

"I can't let you do that! Now go away!" And the guard retreated back behind the door, and slammed it shut.

Steve fell back onto the steps, feeling greatly overwhelmed. He had failed Thor, and now they had no way of getting home. He began to cry, something he hadn't done in a long time.

"I'm sorry, Thor," he wept. "I really thought he would help."

Thor sat beside him and licked the tears off of his face. Steve looked up into his face and looked deeply into his eyes, nearly the last human bit in him. He could almost hear Thor in his head saying: _you tried. You tried and I love you for it._

There was someone crying a lot louder than Steve was. He looked up at his friends, but neither the Scarehawk nor the Iron Woodsman was making a sound. There was a slight shine to the Overly Courageous Lioness's eyes, as if she was fighting back her tears, but it wasn't her either.

It was the guard, blubbering away as he watched them from a window he opened in the door.

"Don't cry!" He blubbered. "Please don't cry! I'll get you in to see the Wizard!" With a great blow into his handkerchief, he disappeared behind the door again, and it opened.

"Oh, thank you!" Steve shouted, hugging Thor one final time before getting up. He wiped his eyes as they begun the walk down the long dark corridor.


	7. Chapter 7

Steve could feel the tension rising with every step, his own anxiety and nerves growing as he wondered how he would plead their case. He looked at his companions to see any indication of how they were feeling, but could see none in the dimly lit hallway. He gulped as the doors opened themselves as they neared, unsure of what to expect in the room beyond.

Then a great, booming voice echoed around the space:

"Come… forward!"

The group shuffle forward in line, a little startled by theatrics. Great jets of fire greet them, lining the path to the stage, where a large, green and very muscled figure sits. He's wearing a sneer on his face as he looks at them.

"Why have you come here? State your purpose!"

Steve stepped up first. "I've come a long way to see you, Mr. Wizard, sir. I've come to ask you-"

"You talk to slow! NEXT!"

"But-"

"NEXT!"

Steve wanted to protest further, but he felt the Iron Woodsman pat him on the shoulder, and he whispered into his ear, "I got this."

The Iron Woodsman stepped forward. "You see, a while ago, we were walking down the Hulk Green Road – a very lovely shade of green on you, sir – and-"

"Be quiet!" The Wizard boomed. "NEXT!" A jet of flame burst up right in front of the Iron Woodsman, sending him flat on his back. The Iron Woodsman shuddered in his suit.

The Overly Courageous Lioness stepped forward, and said, straight to the point, "Loki turned me into a Lioness. I come here for your help in turning myself back into a human." She stepped back.

"Is this why you all have come here? You have all been wronged by Loki the Wicked Witch of the East?"

"Yes," Steve said. "He turned my boyfriend Thor into a Golden Retriever."

"He stole my cool and turned me into a Scarehawk," said the Scarehawk.

"Loki made my suit rust so I couldn't move for weeks, but I'm actually here for a new heart battery," said the Iron Woodsman.

"Very well. May the one known as Thor come to the stage."

Steve urged Thor forward with a nudge. "Go on."

Thor slowly made his way forward, his tail between his legs. He looked back just as he reached the steps, before going up and sitting in front of the Wizard. He kept his head down, afraid to look up at the Wizard.

"Okay, stay still," the Wizard said, cracking the joints in his fingers as he stretched them. "Aaand… BAM!" And when he pointed his hand at Thor, all the fire cannons erupted, and smoke poured up from the floor around Thor. He whined, but didn't move as he was engulfed in the smoke.

Steve had shielded his eyes from the light, and when the fire stopped, he couldn't see a thing from the smoke.

"Thor!" He coughed. "Thor, are you okay?" Steve called Thor's name once more as he saw a tall figure stand in the haze. The Iron Woodsman wolf whistled as a very naked Thor became clearer.

"Big boy!" He chuckled as Steve blushed.

But there was still something very wrong with Thor. Two furry ears were perched on top of his head, and he still had a tail. Thor turned on the spot a couple of times trying to catch a glimpse of it before he realized what had happened.

"Alright!" The Wizard said, stretching his limbs. "Next customer!"

"Hang on! Thor still has ears and a tail!" Steve shouted, watching Thor sniff the air around him. "You said you could transform him back completely!"

"I said no such thing! You assumed that. Besides, I can't make him fully human anyways."

"_What_? Why didn't you say so in the first place?" Steve said, feeling the anger rising.

"Because you didn't ask," the Wizard said matter-of-factly. "I don't have the power."

"Wait, what?"

"STEVE!" Thor bounded down towards him and pulled him into a bone-crushing hug.

"Thor," he squeaked. "Now isn't the time." It wasn't exactly the romantic reunion he had pictured. "Stop humping my leg, we need to speak with that joker up there!"

"What do you mean you don't have the power? You're supposed to be a Wizard!" The Overly Courageous Lioness said angrily, stomping her way towards him.

"If I had the power, then I could help you."

"Can we get you this power?" She asked.

"It will be difficult task to do so."

"Name it."

"I need Loki's staff. Bring it to me and I can grant you your requests."

"But then we'll just be handing Steve over to him!" Thor said. "Steve, you don't need to do that! I am happy to be in this state if it means I can be with you."

"Kinky."

"Shut up, Iron Woodsman, I need to think," Steve said, glaring at him. Thor did have a point. The Wicked Witch had it out for him. He would just be handing himself over. But there were other people to think about here, too.

Loki had the Scarehawk's cool, whatever it may be, and Steve knew that it was important to him. He had turned the Overly Courageous Lioness into a lioness, but Steve knew there was more to that situation than she was telling. And the Iron Woodsman just seemed like the type of guy that liked to get revenge.

Steve knew he had to do something. "We have to help, Thor."

Thor nodded. "Then I will go and do what I can."

"What do we have to do?"

"Well first, we need to get Thor some pants. I always keep a spare pair around… Aha! Here!" The Wizard threw a pair of amethyst purple shorts at Thor, who looked at them curiously before putting them on. "Oh, he can also have this," and a large hammer was thrown over, too.

"Loki's stronghold is another long journey from here. There is a path on the north side of the Amethyst City that will lead you there. Once you get to the forest that surrounds his castle you'll need to be careful. His Chitauri patrol the grounds, but it will be easier to sneak in with the tree cover."

"But how are we going to get to Loki and his staff once we're inside?" Steve asked, seeing flaws in this plan. "And even if we do get close enough to him, how are we going to defeat him?"

"Loki does have one weakness," the Wizard said.

"And what's that?"

"I don't know."

Steve was silent for a moment.

"Well, I see no problems with this plan," the Iron Woodsman said. "When do we set off?"

"This really is a suicide mission," Steve sighed. "How are we supposed to find out his weakness?"

"I think he'll tell you, or you'll find out by accident. He likes to monologue, it shouldn't be too hard," the Wizard said with a shrug.

"Great. What are we waiting for?" And with much protest from the Wizard, the Iron Woodsman smashed a window with his axe, and each one of the group left the building via the makeshift exit.


	8. Chapter 8

Steve observed the Chitauri patrolling the forest from his hiding place behind a large rock about one hundred and fifty metres away on a hill. Loki's castle could be seen in the middle of the forest, a natural defence. There was a ring around the castle that was clear of trees, however, but Steve couldn't see why that was.

After an hour of careful observation, Steve could see a pattern in the Chitauri's movements, and returned to camp to report to the others.

"There's a thirty second interval where there aren't any Chitauri here," he said, drawing the area in the dirt. "We can push for forty seconds, but then we would be cutting it very fine. The forest will provide enough over, so I think we'll be safe until we get to the area around the castle."

"What's around the castle?" The Iron Woodsman asked, looking intently at the diagram.

"I'm not sure. I think it may be a moat. It just looked like a clear ring from where I was," Steve replied. The night was approaching, and they all decided to wait until morning before they made any attempt to siege the castle.

Steve stared into the fire of the middle of their camp and shivered, but not because he was cold. Thor and the Overly Courageous Lioness left to hunt, as they had seen many rabbits as they had made their way across the land.

They returned with four, one each for those who were eating. While Thor and the Overly Courageous Lioness preferred theirs raw, Steve and the Iron Woodsman cooked theirs over the fire. The Scarehawk stared despondently at them while they ate, wishing he had a stomach so he could eat, too.

The fire was put out just after the sun went down, and they all lay down to sleep in separate areas of cover, the Scarehawk keeping watching over them. Steve snuggled happily into Thor, and quickly fell asleep.

They were up with the sun, and they quickly prepared themselves for what may be a long day ahead. The Iron Woodsman sharpened his axe, and the Overly Courageous Lioness did the same with her claws. Steve stretched and tried to keep Thor off of him, which was an exercise itself.

The Scarehawk was restless, eager to finally be reunited with his cool.

Steve showed them to the overlook where he had been yesterday, and waited and watched as the patrolling Chitauri each made their way around the forest.

And then the way was clear, and they sprinted as fast as they could towards the forest. It was fifty metres down the hill, but another hundred to the tree line, and though they were fast, they weren't Olympic athletes. They barely reached the trees in time.

They continued as fast as they could through the dense forest, and before long they found a path winding through it. It was still dark in the woods, and owls hooted from nearby and afar, making the atmosphere spooky and chilling. Everywhere in the branches there were a pair of glowing red eyes, and Steve tried not to look up.

Someway through, after jogging, jumping and stepping over tree roots and bushes and brambles for what felt like hours, Steve noticed an owl hooting steadily, one call after another. He made everyone pause and listen, his gut telling him something was wrong.

"I think it's an alarm," Steve said slowly, hoping that he wasn't right.

They picked up their pace, and the Iron Woodsman took point, so he could cut a path with his axe. With every pair of glowing red eyes they passed, another constant stream of hoots filled the background – definitely an alarm.

"Should we turn back?" The Overly Courageous Lioness asked softly. "Try again later?"

"We can't!" The Scarehawk replied, not even wanting to contemplate the idea. "We're already so close! We can't turn back now!"

Thor stopped suddenly, and everyone stopped with him. He put a hand up to signal silence; Steve could see the ears on top of his head twitching as they listened. Whatever he could hear, Steve obviously couldn't.

Eventually, whatever had caught Thor's attention had left, and they began to move on again. After some time, they came to the clearing Steve had seen. It wasn't a moat, but rather a deep cavern that ringed the entre castle.

There was a single rope bridge that connected one side to the other – if you fell, there was no safety of water. The group started to edge their way towards the bridge, but before they got very far, the air was knocked out of Steve's lungs, and the ground was gone from beneath his feet.

The air rushed past as he fell into the ravine, adrenaline filling his blood as the fear flooded in. The Chitauri growled in his ear, and he heard the flap of wings before they were flying back up. Steve heard Thor shouting, and saw the Iron Woodsman, the Scarehawk and the Overly Courageous Lioness fighting the Chitauri that had appeared.

Thor, knowing not much good could be done shouting, started hitting the Chitauri with his hammer.

Steve didn't struggle, he knew it would be fruitless to do so, nor did he scream, not wanting to give Loki or his Chitauri the satisfaction. Instead he focused himself on calming down and watching here they were going. They flew around and way, to the other side of the castle.

They came in to land on one of the towers, dropping heavily onto the stone. Steve grunted, and instantly began trying to fight off his captor, but to no avail. More Chitauri appeared, more than he could fight off, and he was quickly subdued with a few hits to the gut. He was dragged down the stairs by the elbows and into the bowels of the castle.

Down are few staircases and through a few doors, he was finally presented to Loki. He smiled manically as he watched the Chitauri hit Steve a few more times. Steve crumpled to the floor when they stopped, coughing and gasping.

"Welcome, my pretty," he said, his voice slithering between his teeth like a snake. "I'm so glad you could join us."

Steve didn't say anything, didn't even look up at him.

"You have something I want."

Steve spat on the ground near Loki's feet. "Fine, take it. I don't care."

Loki raised an eyebrow. "I'm afraid it's not so simple."

Steve waited for the Witch to continue, silence gathering quickly.

"You see, I cannot take what it is I want while you still breathe."

"So why don't you just kill me?"

"Enchantments have been made, spells have been cast, blah blah blah, you get the idea. The point is, the process takes a while. Besides, we wouldn't want to spoil the fun, now, would we?" He leant back in his throne and gave a hand gesture to the Chitauri, and Steve was pulled to his feet.

"Take him down to the dungeons. He can have the cell next to our other _guest._ You can have a little fun with him, but don't bruise him up too badly."

Steve kept his head down and didn't fight.

"Oh, and before you leave," the Chitauri paused at the door, and Steve raised his head to look at Loki, "this here will be counting down." Loki pointed to the hourglass beside him. "When the sand runs out, you will be dead. You have little more than two hours. I sincerely hope that life has been good to you, thus far."

Steve did fight at that. He fought against the iron grip of the Chitauri guards, but he couldn't get free. He struggled as he was pulled down the hallway, Loki's laughter following them all the way.


	9. Chapter 9

Steve fell to the ground hard, and didn't get any time to protect himself before he started getting kicked; in the gut, in the shins and in the face. Everything was hurting when the Chitauri finally left, and he bitterly spat blood onto the stone ground before curling up into the fetal position in the farthest corner.

For the second time in Ozgard, he could feel the tears welling up. Not tears from hopelessness or despair, but rather from frustration and shock. He barely registered what Loki had said about the hourglass and his imminent death. He didn't take any notice of the return of the Chitauri guards, as they placed said hourglass inside the cell. What a way to rub it in his face.

Steve knows what should come first: the attainment of Loki's staff, so Thor can be turned back into a human, the Overly Courageous Lioness as well. To help the Scarehawk be reunited with his Cool; to help the Iron Woodsman find a new heart battery.

But he put all that aside, and he thought about _home_. He ached with homesickness, and he missed his Uncles dearly. He hoped with all his heart that they were okay in the wake of the tornado. Steve loved his Uncles very much; he owed them everything in the world for the generosity and kindness they had shown him.

Steve had come to live with his Uncles when he was twelve years old, when a drunk driver had killed his mother, Maria. Even though it had been left in her will that Steve was to be left in the care of her older brother, Phil, it had been a lengthy process before his Uncle was granted custody.

Steve had hated the discrimination his Uncle was being shown in the wake of his mother's death, all because he was gay. At twelve, he couldn't understand it, but as he grew older he had seen society's intolerance. His Uncles loved him and each other, so why did it matter that they were both men?

"I'm scared…" Steve whispered. "I'm scared, Uncle Phil, and I don't know what to do…"

There was a garbled noise, but Steve assumed that it was just the sound of his sobbing echoing around the stone chamber.

"St… St… Steee…"

Steve sat up.

"Steeeeve…"

The voice sounded just like-

"Uncle Phil?" Steve looked around the room to see if there was a source. There was something on the left wall that looked like the end of a trumpet. He shuffled closer to it to get a better look.

As he looked into it's dark centre, there was a loud huff of air, and something dislodged from inside. Dust came billowing out along with some small stones – Steve fell back, but still managed to breathe in some of the dust, and he hacked as it hit his lungs.

"Can you hear me now?"

"Uncle Phil?" Steve asked again between coughs.

"I'm afraid I'm not your Uncle," the voice replied.

"You sound exactly like him," Steve sighed. "His name is Phillip J. Coul-"

Something clicked in his brain.

_Coul…_

_Cool…_

The Scarehawk's lost cool… There had been something very familiar about the Scarehawk. He hadn't said anything about it, because he wasn't sure what it was that was familiar about him.

"You sound like you're having an epiphany in there."

Now the more he thought about it, the more it started to fit into place. The Scarehawk was Uncle Clint. He knew how lost he could become when Uncle Phil went away on business, exactly how the Scarehawk had been acting. They acted the same, they talked the same, and they _walked_ the same.

That must mean the Iron Woodsman was Tony. Well, he should have noticed that right off the bat. Their same snarky manner, and their same full-of-themselves attitude; even a similar affiliation with metal.

And that would make the Overly Courageous Lioness Natasha. Yes, that made a lot of sense. The same defensiveness and aloofness. There was a lot that he didn't know about Natasha, even though they were friends. She refused to talk about anything before she came to live at their farm, just like the Overly Courageous Lioness refused to talk about her own past.

But there were still some things that didn't make sense. The Scarehawk had said that he had been stuck on that pole for weeks. Just how long had Steve been unconscious, then? And why didn't any of them recognize each other? Was everyone suffering from amnesia?

"You _must_ be him," Steve said. "You _have _to be him."

The other end was silent. Steve sniffed, his nose still runny and his head hurting. He rubbed his eyes, trying to think after that little brain explosion.

"What the fuck is going on here?!"

The sand dribbled down through the hourglass at what felt like an agonizingly slow rate. An eternity seemed to pass before another grain fell through. Steve wondered what would happen when the last one ran through: would his heart just stop dead, or would it be something even more painful?

Every now and then he would peek at the hourglass from underneath his shield, and sometimes only a little bit would have gone through, but at other points a significant amount were already at the bottom. From time to time he would hear Uncle Phil, or whoever it was in the next cell, say something, but he didn't pay attention to what he was saying.

And occasionally, from when the bottom glass was about three fifths full, the room would shake a little, and a very distant _pop_ could be heard. He didn't pay much attention to that, either. Just thought about his impending doom.

"I think someone's calling you."

Steve lifted the shield from his face. He could hear the faint echo of his name, as well. He looked at the hourglass, and saw the sand had very nearly emptied from the top. He got to his feet as his name was called again, closer. He stood up and went to the wooden door and hit it hard.

"Thor!" Steve shouted, trying to make as much noise as he could. The despair was suddenly gone, now filled with a fire. He didn't want to die here. He _wasn't _going to die here.

"I'm in here, Thor!" He kicked the door as hard as he could, but it didn't even splinter. "Quick! I'm going to die! The hourglass is almost empty!"

He could hear the thundering of footsteps down a long hall, followed by the sounds of fighting.

"Hurry!" Steve shouted, banging uselessly on the door. He looked back and forth between the hourglass and the portal, his anxiety rising as the sand began to drip faster and faster.

"THOR!"

Steve felt his limbs go weak, and he fell away from the door; he felt dizzy, and his heart was beating funny. A clammy sweat covered his entire body.

There was a great cry from the other side of the door, and something hit the wooden door. It kept coming, and on the third blow, a shard of wood fell away. Steve looked up to see the red and golden face of the Iron Woodsman. A few more strikes and Thor plowed his way in; Steve couldn't move from the floor, his breathing becoming shallow.

Thor pulled Steve from the cell just as the last grains slipped through the glass. Removed from the room, Steve still struggled to breathe. Everything was fuzzy: he could barely hear Thor, nor could he feel his warm hand on his cheek. His eyes were heavy – he couldn't keep them open any longer.

"Steve!"

A pair of lips pressed to Steve's, and suddenly everything seemed to hang on to that kiss. Steve could feel himself being pulled away, but he hung on tight with a fierce grip. All around him in the darkness, Steve could hear Loki's laughter.

For a moment, Steve was actually dead. He had drifted away completely, and was almost lost in the darkness that was Loki. But then he felt that tug to life, and he tugged back. He held on to dear life, and he awoke with a gasp in Thor's arms.

"Steve!" Thor sighed, his face wet with tears.

"Thor," Steve replied, finding strength enough in his weak arms to hold onto him. "I was gone," he whispered.

"But you came back," Thor said, giving him a kiss.

Steve nodded and smiled, holding onto his boyfriend tighter as his arms regained their energy. He looked around, hearing the sound of more smashing wood, and saw the Iron Woodsman busting the next door in. The Scarehawk was hopping on the balls of his feet with impatience until the door was finally open.

It was definitely Uncle Phil that stepped out.


	10. Chapter 10

"Uncle Phil!" Steve gasped, trying to stand up. "You _are _my Uncle Phil! Why are you saying that you're not?"

Uncle Phil looked at him from over the Scarehawk's shoulder, who he was holding on to tightly. His face was blank, like he didn't recognize his nephew. He didn't respond, and instead closed his eyes and turned his face away, his arms tightening around the Scarehawk.

Steve tried to stand up, but his legs were like jelly, and he fell back to the stone floor before he reached his knees.

"Steve!" Thor gasped, at his side in an instant. "We must get you out of here!"

"Thor's right," the Overly Courageous Lioness said from her position near the entranceway. "Loki's Chitauri will be here any moment. We have to go now."

"Alright! Do we have everybody? Yes? Let's go!" The Iron Woodsman said, leading the way out with his axe.

Thor picked up Steve up under his knees, and Steve held his arms around Thor's neck. There wasn't enough time to think about the strangeness of the situation; they all needed to get out of here safely. The Overly Courageous Lioness and the Iron Woodsman led them away from the prison,

They headed up, taking every staircase. On the third floor up, they had to hide quickly as Chitauri began to flood the halls, making their way down. The room they had backed into held an array of weapons. They had found the armory.

"Jackpot!" The Iron Woodsman said, dumping his axe immediately.

The Scarehawk was attracted to the bow, his hand ghosting over the wood; the Overly Courageous Lioness found her way to a few daggers; and the Iron Woodsman helped himself to the alien guns that the Chitauri had been seen sporting.

"Can you walk?" Thor whispered to Steve, setting him to the ground but keeping ahold of him.

Steve shook his legs a bit and took a couple of steps away from Thor. His whole body still felt a little weak, but enough strength had returned that he could stand and walk by himself. He walked over to Phil, who had an ear to the door, hearing for any approach.

"Uncle Phil?" Steve whispered to him.

Phil looked at him. "I am not your uncle," he replied.

"Yes you are!" Steve insisted. "I _know _you are. You are my Uncle Phil, and that is my Uncle Clint," he said, pointing to the Scarehawk. "You fought for months to adopt e after my mother, your _sister_, died in a car crash when I was twelve. I was the pageboy at your wedding to Uncle Clint. You've helped raise me since I was a baby," he felt himself get more and more frustrated as Uncle Phil's eyebrows furrowed even further. "Why don't you remember me?"

When Phil didn't answer, Steve walked away, his anger rising as he thought about what may have caused his Uncle's amnesia. There was another door and a set of windows on the other side of the room, and Steve went to investigate.

A pathway lead down and around in a square, further down this side of the castle. As a plan started to formulate in Steve's mind, he jumped as he felt Thor come up behind him and lick him on the cheek. Steve sighed and leaned back into Thor, knowing he was still dog-like in showing his concern.

"I'm okay, Thor," he whispered.

"I think we might be in some danger, here," Phil announced from the door. "I think we should leave."

Steve rolled his eyes at the conveniencey, and ushered everyone out of the door. They ran along the stone walkway, and as they reached the first corner turret, the door behind them burst open, and Chitauri spilled out behind them. They ran faster, speeding through the room out onto the other side, racing towards the second corner and the other side.

But as they ran out the other side of the second turret, the door ahead burst open as well, and more Chitauri ran towards them, boxing them into the small area within the second turret.

Steve felt for sure that this was it. They were outnumbered and out-armed. He held his Shield up, in a feeble attempt to protect them. The others held up their weapons in defence, ready to fight to the death.

The Chitauri were silent, despite all the faces they were making at them; neither side made a move to attack, however. Then over the silence, there came a very familiar laugh. The adrenaline that had been in Steve's blood quickly drained, instead a chill that filled his bones entered instead.

The Chitauri parted to reveal Loki, holding his staff up proudly.

"I'm so glad the rest of you could join us. Now we can _really_ get down to business," the Witch's smirk disappeared, a very serious look on his face as he concentrated on his staff for a moment. A bright blue ball of flame between the two points; he motioned for his Chitauri to do something, and four of them grabbed the Scarehawk and Uncle Phil.

Neither of them struggled for a moment, neither of them sure what was about to happen. But then the Witch directed the fire towards the highly flammable Scarehawk. He held the flame threateningly underneath an outstretched arm. If the Scarehawk could sweat he definitely would be, as he tried to push away from the fire.

The Witch smiled sadistically as he watched Phil's reaction, trying to pull away from the grip of his captors.

"Now, Steve, hand it over, or you'll watch the Scarehawk and his Cool die before your eyes," Loki said, bringing the bright blue fire closer towards the Scarehawk's arm.

"Hand what over?" Steve said, watching his Uncle struggling in vain. "You've threatened and terrorized me, but you've never told me what you want!"

"What do you mean I haven't told you?" The Wicked Witch put down his scepter and put a hand to his head as he realized his major oversight "Well, that's just a major flaw on my part. I'm not sure how the plan worked overall without that major piece of information!" He sighed in frustration.

"I'm sorry, that's just a huge mistake on my part. The villain is supposed to tell the hero the purpose of their villainy for the whole plan to work! Look, why don't you just give me your shield and your suit and I'll let you and your friends go. This is just very embarrassing," he shook his head once more before regaining his composure, and snapped his fingers to signal to his Chitauri to let go of the Scarehawk and Uncle Phil.

"That's it? Seriously?" Steve said, stunned. "I give you those things and you'll let us _all _leave, without harm?"

"Sure. I'll even let you ride on my flying to Chitauri back to the Amethyst City."

"Deal!"

"No, wait, hang on a minute!" The Overly Courageous Lioness interrupted. "We came to get your scepter, not to give you some very valuable weapons!"

"Fine, fine, if you're going to make this difficult…" and without even Loki motioning for it, the hostage situation was back in motion. "Give me the items I want, or the Scarehawk gets it!" The scepter was lit again, and the Scarehawk's arm was stretched out above it.

"Okay, calm down, let's-"

The Scarehawk's arm was too close to the fire; it caught within seconds. In a panic, Steve grabbed the wooden bucket behind him, conveniently placed and full of water, and through it at the Scarehawk's arm. It went out, but was left badly burned.

The Wicked Witch spluttered and coughed as he wiped water from his face, and was distracted from the knife that was quickly and precisely aimed left centre of his chest. The Overly Courageous Lioness's pupils dilated as she watched the knife plunge deeply in his heart.

Loki stumbled back, surprised. He let out a grunt, and looked down at the blade sticking out. And then he fell down, dead.

The silence was immediate in the shock. Steve looked at the body of the Wicked Witch of the West. Thor looked down at the body of the Wicked Witch of the West. Uncle Phil and the Scarehawk looked down at the Wicked Witch of the West. The Overly Courageous Lioness licked her lips as she looked down at the body of the Wicked Witch of the West.

A Chitauri was the first to speak.

"You… you killed her…"

"_Him_," the Chitauri beside him whispered.

"You killed _him!_" The first Chitauri corrected.

"We're sorry," Steve apologized, shocked.

"I'm not sorry," the Overly Courageous Lioness scoffed. "Good riddance."

"Don't be sorry! He's enslaved us and hundreds of generations before us! We're free! We're finally free!" And thus the Chitauri praised, "Hail, to the Overly Courageous Lioness! The Wicked Witch is dead!"


	11. Chapter 11

The trip back to the Amethyst City passes by Steve in a blur. Now that he has the time to process the information that was quickly revealed to him in the last two or so hours, he finds himself… confused.

"Hold on, Steve!" He hears in his year, and he quickly remembers that he's on the back of a Chitauri that's flying hundreds of feet above the ground. He can see the others ahead have already begun the dive towards the Amethyst City, and he quickly tightens his grip.

Steve closes his eyes against the sting of the wind, and hears Thor whoop behind him, which turns into barking and howling. He opens his eyes just as the pull out from the dive and he feels the rush of adrenaline as they glide above the grass. The Chitauri began to slow, and set down a few hundred metres outside the Amethyst City.

"Sorry we couldn't drop you off any closer," the Chitauri says as Steve climbs off his back. "Any closer and they would attack."

"That's alright," Steve assures it. "Thanks for the ride."

The Chitauri bows, and takes off into the sky. Steve looks around as the others in their group disembark from their steeds. Natasha is waving them off, promising to come back soon and play a game of pool with them.

"Come on, Dorothy," she says, turning to Steve and giving him the Wicked Witch's staff. "There's no place like home."

-

"DO I BELIEVE MY SEEING ROUNDS," the Hulk roars, and Steve wonders if he's gotten just a little bit stupid. "YOU'VE COME BACK."

"Uh, yeah," Steve said. "We defeated the Wicked Witch just like you said. Here's his staff," he placed it on the step before the Hulk. "Now turn Thor and the Overly Courageous Lioness back."

"VERY WELL," the Hulk said. Steve felt Thor tug on his uniform, but brushed him off. "OVERLY COURAGEOUS LIONESS, STEP FORWARD."

Thor tugged more insistently on Steve's sleeve as the Overly Courageous Lioness walked forwards. Thor whined, but still Steve ignored him, telling him to shush. His eyes are locked on the Overly Courageous Lioness as she disappears in the smoke.

"Go away!" The Hulk shouts, to no one in particular. "No, stop! You're ruining the illusion! Go hump a leg or something! Shoo, get!" Suddenly, the image of the Hulk disappears. To say that everyone is confused is an understatement.

The Overly Courageous Lioness emerges from the smoke unchanged. Steve looks around for Thor, and sees him growling as he pulls at a nearby curtain with his mouth. The hippy Bruce is fighting with him to keep it closed.

"Shoo! Go on! Fetch!" Bruce grunts, struggling to win. He looks up, and sees everyone looking at him. He stops fighting for the fabric, and Thor falls over.

"Oh," he says. "Uh…"

Steve is at a loss for what to say.

"Oh my god," the Iron Woodsman fills in.

"Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!" Bruce shouts, yanking it closed again. Thor pulls it open – Bruce closes it – Thor opens it once more.

"Wait… you're the Hulk?" Steve manages, looking at Bruce and wondering how this man has the power to be the Hulk. "How?"

"Well, a few magic tricks, a bit of actual science… and mostly keeping out of the public eye and fluffing it up a bit. It's actually quite easy to do," Bruce said with a shrug.

"But… how can you be here? My Uncles are one thing, and I'm pretty sure that's Natasha and that the Iron Woodsman is actually Tony, but you… I'd only just met you! How the hell did you end up here? I remember your tent flying towards my bedroom window!" Steve can almost feel his brain exploding.

"Look, uh… why don't I just give you your rewards and then we can talk? Does that sound good?" Bruce said, seeing that Steve was turning hostile.

"Yeah, fine! Turn Thor back already!" Steve nearly shouted, feeling angry and frustrated and confused. He walks away towards the doors, his head pounding. He's got a crick in his neck and his right arm gives a great twinge of pain when he goes to rub it.

He jumps when he feels a hand on his shoulder, and turns to see Thor fully restored to his human self.

"Whoa, that happened fast," Steve said, putting his arms around Thor's neck and pulling him into a hug. "Though I will miss the tail." He watched over Thor's shoulder as Bruce put the tip of Loki's staff to the Overly Courageous Lioness's shoulder, and the fur melted away to reveal Natasha.

He recognized Tony when the face of his iron helmet lifted up, and Steve felt stupid for not recognizing him sooner, in the forest. Bruce put the tip of the staff to the circle in the middle of Tony's chest, and it lit up. The blood started coming through his pale and clammy face a lot faster, and he soon had a rosy blush.

Finally, Bruce turned to the Scarehawk, and with the touch of the staff the rags fell off and beneath it was skin. Clint pulled the sack of his head with a grin, and quickly pulled Phil in for a kiss. It was lovely to see his Uncles reunited, but there were still some things that needed explaining.

"Come on, Steve," Bruce said. "It's time for your gift."

Steve was led by the elbow out of the doors and back down the long hallway, the others following behind in procession. Everything had a grim and final air about it. Steve felt incredibly nervous and exposed as they walked out towards the crowd.

There was a great hot air balloon in the centre, and the crowd parted without question or sound as they walked towards it. Steve was completely focused on the basket, unable to look at anyone or anything else.

"All aboard," Bruce said, opening the gate on one side of the basket. "Next stop, Kansas. We're taking you home, Steve."

Everybody piled in, squishing Steve into a corner. He held Thor tightly in a familiar embrace, feeling the peck of lips against the top of his head. He felt excited to finally be going home. The balloon took off once the ropes were untied, and they quickly sailed high into the air.

They soared higher than the clouds and the birds, and Steve saw all of Oz beneath them, a land of green and purple, surrounded by the yellow of sand. He glanced back into the basket to look at Thor, but found everybody staring at them.

"It's time for you to wake up, Steve," said no one in particular, or maybe it was all of them.

And so Thor, Natasha, Uncle Clint and Uncle Phil, Tony and Bruce the Hippie all pushed him out of the basket. The fall lasted forever and no time at all, and as he hit the ground he jerked awake.


	12. Epilogue

Suddenly he was looking at them all again. There was Thor and Natasha, Uncle Clint and Uncle Phil, even that prick Tony and that hippy Bruce. They were all standing over him, in the same positions they were in when they pushed him out of the basket.

There was a tube in his throat, and plaster on his right arm; he couldn't help panicking and trying to pull the tube out. Hands flew out from his Uncles and Thor, trying to calm him, but his panic only grew. Nurses came into the room, and so did a doctor. He kept trying to get to the tube; he had to get it out…

Steve suddenly felt calm and warm, and slipped back onto the bed without a fuss. The tube was taken out, and he smiled serenely.

"I was having the _weirdest_ dream," he said. "You were there," he said, pointing to Thor. "And you were there, and you, and you, you too, also you," he said, pointing to each of them, Natasha and Uncle Clint and Uncle Phil and Tony and Bruce.

"And you were there, too, Doctor," Steve said, looking up at him with confusion. "What are you doing here?"

"Was I now?" Fury chuckled, pulling the needle out of the IV port.

"Yeah," Steve said. "It was this odd place… Thor turned into a Golden Retriever… Uncle Clint was a Scarehawk-"

"Don't you mean a Scarecrow?" Uncle Clint asked, chuckling.

"There aren't any crows in Ozgard!" Steve explained. "Uncle Clint was a Scarehawk that kept saying that he'd lost his cool, and Tony was his usual prick-y self, only he was called the Iron Woodsman. And Natasha was the Overly Courageous Lioness-" he saw her roll her eyes- "and even Bruce was there, he was the Hulk in the Amethyst city.

"We all needed to see him because we'd all lost or needed something…"


End file.
